Lord help me

to think out side of the box yesterday I didn’t fulfull my promise to blog every nigh for 30 nights. My internet was not working and I could not open my blog, this stopped me. Realizing today that I could have still written my blog and not post it. I was being small minded and giving into temptation to resist my word to the lord. Today instead of fretting about my mistake/choice I am now fulfilling what I said and continuing on. The question of yesterday was what is more important my public worship or my private worship and I think it hab been answered I am not writing this blog for people to read but I am writing this blog for myself that I may sort out my feelings and the best way I know how is to write them down. Now the next hardest part to be honest and not just honest with my self but with you- and with God.

I want to be an example for others. God has given me so much and I am so thankful and blessed beyond belief that I want every one to feel this joy I have in my heart and I desire everyone to be close with God, I know this will make the world a better place. I feel obligated to shout from the roof tops how good God is and instead of shouting from the roof tops I decided to write this blog, I don’t know if anyone reads it and I don’t know if I really care because I am writing it for God because he tells me so.

I feel close to him even though he feels far away because instead of backing away from him in his absence I am clinging to his word and his promise that he will never forsake me. We have only so much money and this would normally worry me but God always provides what we need and we are making sacrifices that I may stay home with Dazain for I know in my heart this is what I must do and am so thankful my finace understands this and supports me in it. For there will be a time when I will go back to work and we will have more money but will that really make us happier, I doubt it. For I am now seeing that the best way to live is to focus not on what is seen but what is unseen for what is seen is only temporary and what is unseen lives forever. My memories of being with Dazain will never die and God has blessed me with that and this blessing is what keeps me going. It is not ideal that we have a room mate move into our house but it is necessary and I know there is a reason for it.

I do not know what Gods plan is but I am going along with it and truly I have everything I need, maybe not what I want but everything I need and for that I am thankful.

Dear Lord,

continue to give me strength, thank you for helping me know that you are always there and will never forsake me, I feel you here with me and that brings me peace, thank you for providing my family with everything we need but please God if it be your will give Curron what he wants, I only want for him to be happy. Thank you for my baby Boy and shower my family with blessings.

Amen.

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