Do not be so hard on your self …
What I have learned on my spiritual journey is that building a relationship with God takes time, practice and patience but by his grace and love the more we get to know him the better life becomes. Even when we are disobedient God still loves us regardless. Everything that happens can be used for good. The only things we are promised in life are problems and death. It is our perspective that makes the difference between happiness and sadness. “God is able to bring beauty out of the morass of your mistakes” – Jesus Calling
SO do not fret on mistakes of the past it is only a waste of energy and prevents you from in the moment happiness and future happiness.
God desires to have a relationship with us and that relationship is based on our very own efforts. One does not need to only sit alone with the Lord to learn and show him worship but the Lord wants us to think of him every second. Do everything as if you are doing it for God and everything will be alright. This makes menial tasks more enjoyable although we should not do things for God to make us feel good but we should do things for God to please him.
I desire so much to be good for God and have been focusing on it well at least trying to and I have defiantly made mistakes in the past months and I have defiantly stewed on them and felt regret and I have defiantly realized that this fretting does me absolutely no good.
So I am going to continue forward again and try to please him again and in doing so I am once again writing this blog, I do not know why but I feel compelled to do so. So I will trust in the Lord and do what he says. Even though I am tired many nights from the day of running after my baby. I am going to commit to writing 30 days straight and see where it takes me.
When I do not do what he wants and I resist I find that it takes my energy and makes me tired, once I beat the resistance and do what the Lord is asking me even the small things I am pleasantly surprised that I am energized and at peace with myself and able to sleep soundly.
All of the things he asks us to do our for our own good even if we do not know why , it is important to trust in the Lord fully it helps us complete what we were created to do here on Earth. For example I feel the Lord wants me to takes naps when my baby naps during the day. What a beautiful blessing to be told to nap but some how I even resist that. I know that if I took naps which he only naps for 45-1 hour a few times a day I would then have the energy when he lay his head to sleep to complete my readings , memorize my scripture and write my blog. So although I have been thinking this in the back of my mind and I am being honest with my self and with God and saying I have been resisting and I want to stop, I want to do what he knows is best even if I feel last napping. I release that to God and I am going to be thankful for such a wonderful life he has given me that I am able to nap with my beautiful blessing of a boy. I want to be able to quote scripture to him and show him what it is to live a life of worship.
All of this takes time and practice and patience. When I began this journey I wanted my obedience to be instantaneous and have been giving my self a hard time about making mistakes but I am too being honest here and letting go of these feelings of inadequacy and realizing and learning that God knows and loves me perfectly even though I am imperfect and once again I am going to commit to living a life for his pleasure and letting go of my guilt because he does not want this for me. He wants me to live a joyous full life and that is just what I want too.
Today even though I felt resistance and my initial reaction to an opportunity to play sand volleyball at alki something I love very much to do with a person I very much love, to leave my baby with a baby sitter, (his grandma) I let go of my guilt and gave it to God and took the opportunity to live fully. While there I enjoyed laughs, a work out, saw an amazingly large bird high in the sky (which if you know me well, know I love birds) and was able to enjoy a beautiful sunset with an amazing set of spotted clouds painted by God himself and my mother was able to enjoy a wonderful evening with her grandson and him with her.
And all is well in my world tonight and here I am being obedient and even though I am tired I am grateful. I will take a nap tomorrow so God willing at this time tomorrow I wont be so tired or maybe that’s just what he wants, for me to sleep soundly. I do not know but I trust him and I am happy.
Thank you God,
for my wonderful family. for my wonderful finace, for my beloved baby, my good friend Kelci, the people I played volleyball with the birds and the clouds and most of all for loving me unconditionally.
P.S Don’t be so hard on your self for we all have a little perfect slice of heaven waiting for us.